I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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