If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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