Apparently you make a good broom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
