I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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