You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
