My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
