why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
