We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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