tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
