I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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