i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
