How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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