is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
