So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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