A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
