4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
