i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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