I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
