I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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