I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
