there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
