There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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