apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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