he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
