You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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