Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
