Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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