Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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