I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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