Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
