Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
