take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
