does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
