you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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