Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bring money and cleavage
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
