The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
