see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
