Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
