Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
