I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
