I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
