totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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