I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
