I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
