I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
