I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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