Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
