At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your cock deserves a montage
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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