I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
