I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize