Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
