If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
