At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
