Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I looked at my own cervix.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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