Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
