its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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