That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
