On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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