so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
