I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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