I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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