i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize