if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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