I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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