Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
