this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here