His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.