He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now