Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.